Now that the regular season is by all credible accounts over, it seems like a great time to peer back through the annals of history and see which plays the computer liked the best from the ENTIRE SEASON. Let us comb through literal months of historical footage dating back to like May, and remember some of the campaign’s most pedestrian moments that a computer thinks are the most impactful plays of the regular season.

The decisions have been made. Or occurred. Things have been decided, but in the boxing sense, I guess. I’ve never really liked #decisionday as a moniker for the craziest day in Major League Soccer. First of all, Decision Day is already a thing in another sport, and in THAT sport people are, you know, actually making decisions so it works better. Here are some alternate suggestions for what to call this most exciting day:

Soccer, when viewed through a lens pulled back wide enough is basically an exercise in futility. There are so many ways that players are prevented from accomplishing their most basic directive of kicking the ball over that goal line. Some of these are personal failings. Some are systemic. Some are manufactured. Some, of course, are just your no frills varietal of lousy luck.

American Soccer Analysis introduced the metric g+ (goals added) back in May of 2020. I don’t think it’s an overstatement to say that it has changed the very way people think about and discuss soccer. Ok, that’s a bit of an overstatement, but it’s NOT an overstatement to say that in the two ensuing years, people have definitely looked at the g+ tables and gone “Maynor Figueroa? REALLY?”

I loathe Brad Friedel. I’m going ahead and getting this out of the way because it’s important that you understand that I’m writing this preview balanced precariously on a high horse and sipping a cocktail of equal parts gin, schadenfreude, and vindication. I found his appointment puzzling, his teams maddening, and his termination surprisingly cathartic for me despite it being about a team I honestly could not care one iota less about. I don’t hate the New England Revolution. No, it’s just been a very long time since the New England Revolution have given me any reason to feel any one particular thing about them beyond the occasional moment of amusement or confusion.